Iberia are rubbish (Best and worst Plane rides)

The easiest plane ride was probably from Lima to Cusco, but it was quite boring and normal so I'm not going to go on about it. There were two others in Chile that were similarly uneventful.

The most entertaining ride was from La Paz to Rurrenebaque. It was a small 12 seater prop plane, 1 row of seats either side and an open view to the cockpit. The views other the Andes were outstanding but there was the occasionnal flashing red light in the cockpit that made relaxation hard. Sometimes it was accompanied by a loud beeping noise that sounded very much like a fire alarm. I was clearly a lot more concerned than the pilots, who just grunted and turned it off every so often. We landed on a grass runway and sauntered to a stop next a woman taking it easy in a hammock. Everyone gets off the plane and starts taking photos (this must having for every single landing, I bet the locals make jokes about it). Then the lady in the hammock hops on a motorcycle to scare off some horses grazing on the runway so the plane could take off again.




Inside the plane


View from plane


Hand drawn safety instructions. Laminated though.

Getting back from Rurrenebaque was a similar affair, but took a lot longer to organise. There were seats available on the plane but we held out for a boat which didn't come through and by that time there was no space left on the next days flight. Tam (the Bolivian military run airline) had a flight as well and we got on the waiting list for that flight, having been told that there were nearly always some cancellations. There weren't of course so we booked and paid with Amazonas again for the next day. They phoned up early the next morning to tell us that we didn't have seats any more. We paid in US dollars (which they prefer) and they would only refund in Bolivanos at a dodgy exchange rate. They offered us another flight the next day but we were angry and went with Tam. This plane was bigger (50 people) and very noisy but still 3 hours late. We all got given earplugs.


Waiting for the plane!

Iberia

Iberia are far and away the worst long haul operator I've ever flown with. I am definitely not going to fly with them again unless there are huge money savings invovled.

We arrived 2 and a quarter hours before the flight and they immediately darkened my mood with a 45 minute wait to check in. We then get on the plan and aren't sitting together. I ask a steward to move us and the replies in spanish, telling me to sort it out myself. I was expecting something a little more helpful and it takes me 3 goes to comprehend what she's saying. I manfully give it a go but nobody wants to move. The plane takes off and I try with another steward. This one is a litle more friendly but tells me that we were in the last 10 people to check in. She goes on to say the spaniards have some saying along the lines of "the early bird cathces the worm" (El que madruga coge la oruga). I should have replied with "fuck you, you smarmy little bitch", but unfortuantely that gem of a riposte only came to me after she left. I asked one other steward who wouldn't help and then gave up.

Dinner was served about 3pm local time and then we had nothing for the rest of the 12 hour journey until a very small breakfast just before landing. We had breakfast before going to the airport and hadn't had time for luch due to the long check in. Thus we had breakfast, followed by small airplane dinner followed by 12 hours of nothing and then another breakfast. mmmmm. And there wasn't even any booze to pass the time with.

The staff clearly didn't give a shit. The drinks stewardess was sitting down reading a paper. Only self-serve OJ and water were available. The lady was reluctant to replace the finished water bottle but quick to tell me that I am in the way of the fire exit and must sit down. I'm not sure people would be queueing up to fling themselves out of the plane even if there was a fire but I let it pass. We can hear the rest of the staff giggling behind a curtain they have pulled across.

Not the best way to finish the holiday. We changed in spain where we had to drink a bottle of duty free wine before going through security. Very classy but in keeping with the whole south american experience.

Best and Worst Bus Rides

The Most Exciting

In Ecuador, each city has a bus terminal from which all long distance buses leave. These are big, intimidating, dirty and allegedly dangerous places, packed with hundreds of tiny offices for all the bus companies, but we never have to wait more than about 10 minutes for a bus to wherever it is we're going. People approach and harrass us and seem to be intent on ripping us off but it turns out they are just showing us the way to the correct company. I guess they work for the terminal but it is hard to tell. One night, we turned up on a whim at about 7pm for a bus to Papallacta. The guide book didn't mention how many hotels were in this small village and we spent the 2 hour bus ride praying it was more than none. It was dark, there were no streetlights and we were going along a dirt road to complete the feeling of isolation. We couldn't see any lights anywhere and the bus kept stopping to let people on and off. Every time it did so we would breath in, then the conductor would call out a name that didn't sound like Pappallacta and we would breathe out again. Eventually we arrived, much relieved, in a place with lots of lights and one hotel that was straight out of twin peaks.

The Most Atmospheric

After soaking in the thermal springs we moved on to Tena the next day. The bus stopped for about two seconds for us to stow the big bags and clamber aboard with the rest. We fight our way to the back, trying to hold on to everything and bumping into everyone. There are no spare seats but the conductor conducts, children sit on mothers and we happily position ourselves on the worst seats on the bus. We start high in the Andes, the scenery is amazing cloud forest and we drive beside huge waterfalls, up mountains, along ridges and down valleys. Occassionaly the bus gets stuck where the dirt road is dirtier and steeper than usual and it takes a few attempts to get up. We stop frequently to let people off with the weeks shopping. Often there are no houses roads or paths to see and we wonder how long it will take them to get home. Especially caryying the food and, usually, about 12 litres of Coke. Later, we descend from the Andes into the Jungle and it gets steadily hotter. The rock, brush and trees of the mountains are replaced by lush, dense, sprawling vegetation. We pass many tiny villages and I have a strong sensation of discovery and immersion in the culture. It's a feeling, not a real thing but I enjoy it for the rest of the journey nonetheless.


Soaking in the thermal springs


The bus arriving at Papallacta


Typical Cloudforest scenery*
*Not a scene from bus journey described

The Comfiest

The most comfortable bus ride was also the worst to catch. In Chile, advance booking is necessary do I have to buy tickets in Santiago for a journey from San Fernando to Valdivia. The man draws a map and explains that the bus does not go into the terminal but stops at "Maggy". Three days later I still have no idea who/what/where "Maggy" is but we are told to take a taxi there. The driver will know what we are talking about, apparently. Its a long wait at the terminal and we're a little nervious so we investigate further and find out that "Maggy" is a factory. When we get there we find an encouraging looking bus shelter. It's by the side of a motorway and in a little triangle enclosed by entry and exit slipraods. The taxi can't take us all the way without getting on the motorway so we end up walking along the sliproad with our bags. Others cars take people all the way and then reverse back. The bus is due at midnight and we wait patiently by the factory (actually Nestle). It arrives at half past and we get comfy in our fully horizontal seats, waking up 10 hours later in Valdivia.


Our guest house in Valdivia. We spent ages walking round with the heavy bags to find somewhere that was not too expensive and not too shit. This place did the job. They also did our laundry but forgot to mention it wouldn't be dry in time for the bus we were going to catch. After some negotiation they promised that it would be ready and gave it back to us neatly folded up but still soaking wet. We took it to a laundrette only to find that it was closed between 12 and 3, so instead of having most of a day in Puerto Montt we just had one night. It was fun though, we stayed with a family who clearly needed the money to spend on the house, saw fireworks and had a bite to eat.

The Worst

The man tells me the 10 hour journey from Cusco, Peru to Copacabana, Bolivia will pass by in comfort in posh "Cama Cama" seats. He has pictures and a model of the bus. Apparently the bus will stop for an hour in Puno but we can stay on and sleep. I check everything very carefully as another bus company told me that there were no direct services. We almost miss the bus as it looks nothing like the pictures or the model. The seats are rubbish, the toilet is locked and one guy doesn't have anywhere to sit. The driver is locked away downstairs and the intercom doesn't work so we can't attract his attention. Someone takes the emergency hammer to the floor to get his attention. He stops the bus, comes up and shouts at us. The passengers return it with interest and things get very heated. We are all stuck on the bus though and all he can really do is unlock the toilet door, which doesn't really appease anyone. We get to Puno and find out there is a two hour wait and a transfer to a different bus. The bus is worse still and picks up passengers from many incoming services and quickly gets full. The rest of us get packed into a minivan. We complain loudly and vigourously but the native spanish speakers soon take over with louder, faster complaints and, I expect, more imaginitave insults. We get to the border and spend 2 hours getting across. The Peruvians were incompetent at the border with Ecuador and wanted to charge us for their incompetence when leaving. We got frustrated and managed to cause insult by our general attitude so they wouldn't deal with us. The Bolivians were much more pleasant (though more expensive) so we paid them instead. By this time the minivan had long gone so we got a shared taxi to finish the journey.


View from the "restaurant" in Puno. I was hopeful when I saw banana pancakes on the menu. When they arrived I was dissapointed to discover something best described as banana omelette.

Best and Worst

Me and Emma got back today and are slowly getting round to unpacking, sorting out mail and getting very drunk (hopefully). In the meantime I thought I'd add a section on the best and worst bits of the trip. I'm starting off with toilets but plan to add some more classy stuff later.

The worst toilet I had to sit down on was in the Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia. The plaster was crumbling, the paint cracking, there were no locks and only 2 cubicles for around 50 backpackers, all fighting the effects of dodgy foreign food of varying potency. Toilet paper is deposited in or around small bins on the floor, to protect the fragile waste plumbing, but inevitably some sneaks in the bowl and the system starts to clog. Buckets of water are carried from a large barrel by the sinks to slosh away the turds in the absence of running water. We are in a desert and there is clearly no more water arriving once the barrel is dry. I have to go at around 9pm and the water is already starting to lose in the battle of the barrel against the bowels. There is a brown, sticky mess waiting for me when I arrive. I do my business as quickly as possible, which is frustratingly slow, probably a consequence of the stressful conditions. I get busy with the bucket and manage to leave a respectably clean bowl behind, given the situation. Around 10.30 the barrel is empty and the fact that the toilets are blocked has little relevance. The mounds grow and we all go to bed and try not to think about it. I wake up in the night and have to go, but thankfully it is a stand up job. There is no electricity and I hazily stagger around by torchlight trying not to touch anything. I am not the only one who has had to go and by now it is obvious that these people must have really been desperate. Come the morning the situation is even worse and one of the toilets is covered in sick. I can tell you, with absolute certaintity, that had I been feeling sick I would have gone nowhere near that toilet. I can only assume that it was a spur of the moment thing. Nasty.

Anyway, on to more pleasant matters I reckon the best toilet may have been in the posh hotel we stayed in after coming back from 8 days trekking round the Torres del Paine. I'm not really sure if it was the best but I basically just want to show off about having stayed in a damn posh hotel. Got to make the most of it and all.

Pantalones

This is a story about my trousers.

After staying at the posh lodge in the jungle me and Emma spent the morning before the flight to La Paz canoeing down the River Beni. We found a rope swing on the way, I made like a monkey and soon got most of my clothes wet and, as I´ve mentioned before, they were busy drying in the hotel while were were flying back.

I have since spent much time on the phone to various people trying to get them back. The first lady in the hotel tells me that its impossible to send mail from Rurrenebaque (which seems possible but unlikely). I perservere, she gets bored and hands me over to the manager, who doesn´t speak any english either but is more friendly towards the gringo speak. He formulates a plan to give the trousers to America Land Tours in Rurrenebaque, who will give the trousers to a bus driver to be taken to La Paz (population 3 million or something, where it is possible to send mail on mondays, wednesdays and fridays, apparently). I phone up America Land Tours in Rurrenebaque and La Paz where the lady agrees to retrieve the trousers from the bus driver and post them to Santiago in Chile. The trousers arrive in La Paz without any difficulty that I notice and then the lady keeps wanting to send the trousers to where I´ve just been, before telling me it will be $45. Considering that we sent 5 kilos back to England for about $20 and the trousers arent worth more than $100 I suggest that she give them to a friend. She replies by saying that she doesn´t have a male friend at the moment. I figure it´s best to call it a day, but I could forward her email if anyone´s interested.

Colchagua Valley Wine Tour

well, i guess its fair to say that wine tasting is more my thing than Cedd´s but he did seem to enjoy it.

we went to Santa Cruz a small village in the heart of Colchagua Valley, one of chile finest wine growing areas. we were really lucky to find a small apartment for rent in the back garden of a house (like a ´granny´flat) including a telly and kitchen. It happened like this... I was waiting on a street corner with all our bags while cedd went to look at a hostal and an old man (Aquiles) came out of his house and started chatting to me and explaining that he had an apartment we could rent, when cedd came back we had a look at the apartment and it was an easy choice to take it. Aquiles then offered to take us to take us to the supermarket in his car so we could stock up the fridge! Very handy.

It was easy to organise wine tours and we needed to relax so we spent a few days visiting wineries and eating good food. www.rutadelvino.cl

we visited the following wineries and did tours at the first three. Each one has something about it that is special in terms of the tour and all have some good wines, but our favourite wines were at Bisquerrt and Viña la Playa (and Viu Manent).

Bisquertt - an old family run winery, with small museum
Viu Manent - also quite an old winery, plus a very good restaurant and the tour included travel in a horse drawn coach through the vinyards.
Las Niñas - this winery is run by women! and the tasting involves a lesson in aromas
Viña la Playa - we had lunch here, a glass of reserve wine is included in the price of each dish! plus a free tasting.


we took photos of the wines we tasted....so perhaps we can invite you for a chilean wine tasting sometime.

Star gazing - the clearest skies on earth

Chile has reputedly the clearest skies on the planet, so its the best place in the world for star gazing. Not surprisingly there are lots of observatories nearly all of these are funded by North America and by European countries, who can afford the hundreds of million pounds needed to build one. The Chilieans have a right to use them for a certain no. of days per year (about 10%). Demand is high and the cost of using one for a night runs into tens of thousands of pounds!

the skies are so clear that up to the eighth magnitude can be observed with the naked eye and the centre of a galaxy can be easily seen. (if that means anything to you)

We visited the Mamalluca Observatory near Vicuña (about 1 1/2hrs north of Santiago) near the Elqui Valley. They run a number of tours in both english and spanish, several per evening including ones for enthusiasts and those wanting to learn more. The tour started a bit late (no surprise) at 11pm and finished at 2am. Not bad for a night out!

Cedd enjoyed it so much that he wanted to go again the next day!

We saw saturn and the moon in a large telescope, and took photos with our cameras of the image through the telescope.


It was just after full moon so the sky was actually a bit too bright for seeing the stars really well . Our guide doesn´t like the moon for this very reason but we couldn't complain, the sky looked amazing compared to what we see at home in london.

Our guide recommended the following computer program - starry night - which you can download (for free I think) from http://www.starrynight.com/.

if you can understand some spanish:
http://www.mamalluca.org/inicio.htm

Speaking Spanish

People rarely lie outright to you here (although it does happen) but some people mislead and others are just amazingly unhelpful. We asked two girls where they got their ice creams from and I set off down the road where they had pointed. I arrive to the "shop" and start to talk to an small, old man with cloudy eyes.

Me: Do you sell ice cream?
Old man: What?
Do you have ice cream?
What?
Ice cream
What?
Ice Cream
Ice Cream?
Yes, Ice cream
No

At this point Luis comes in, who is a guy I vaguely know from trying to book boat tours. We have a very brief chat and I go back to wait for an aeroplane. We were told to arrive at 3 for a plane that left at 4. Actually the bus to the airport leaves at 4 and the plane at 5. It is now about 5.30 and you have to try very hard to get any response other than "Please sit down and wait a moment" from the officials. We are in the jungle and I am very hot. I soak my hair frequently to cool down but am wearing my heavy trousers as my others are drying in the hotel. I only realise this later when we take off, but more about that later. Anyway, Luis walks past and is clearly eating ice cream. I go back to see the old man.

Do you have ice cream?
No
The thing that Luis buy?
What?
Luis, be buy ice cream here?
Who?
The man here. He buy ice cream.
What?
The man. Here before 5 minutes. He buy ice cream.
No.
Yes. I see he eat ice cream.
No.

I am getting frustrated, but luckily his son walks in with an ice cream. I explain that I want one. The old man smiles slowly as understanding dawns. "Aaaaah, you want a picolè". To be fair its more ice lolly than ice cream but I still have to count to ten. This sort of thing happens all the time.

We are in Chile at the moment and the accent here is difficult. We are often helped out by holidaying big city Chileans (who speak relatively normally) who translate from Spanish to Spanish for us.

Madidi National Park, Bolivia

We treated ourselves and stayed at Chalalan Eco Lodge in Madidi National Park in the bolivian jungle. The lodge is quite unique as its inside the park and is owned and run by the residents of one of the few communities who live in the park. (for more info and pictures to make you jealous see www.chalalan.com).

We flew from La Paz to Rurrenebaque (closest town to the park) in a small 19 seater plane, landing on a grass runway surrounded by jungle.


The view from the plane was amazing. We were met at the airport by Rigoberto from Chalalan who it turns out will be our guide for the whole jungle trip. The next day we travel by boat down the Beni river for 5 hours to get to the lodge, wildlife spotting on the way. From the river bank its then only 30 mins walk to the lodge.

We have a fantastic room with private bathroom, which is basically a lodge all to ourselves. All the buildings are built using local methods and materials identical to those used at the village, and each ´room´ building is in a small clearing of its own.

Its really hot and humid as you might imagine, so after lunch we have a quick swim in the lake to refresh (the water is really warm). We then do our first trail with Rigoberto. He starts by explaining the medicinal uses of some of the trees and plants, he then tempts a tarantula out of her hole at the base of a tree using a stick with his spit on it. The first tarantala is quite small only about 2 inches across.... of course its one of the babies! later the mother is tempted out, she is about 8 inches across and apparently one of the smaller varieties in the jungle. We continue walking around the lake, and then get in a canoe and go back slowly around the edge of the lake looking at monkeys, birds etc. Our guide has an amusing habit of always saying our names ie ¨EMMA - do you know this tree?¨ ¨CEDD, listen do you hear that?¨

Our stay at the lodge is for 3 nights, and each day we do more trails, see more animals and discover our skilled our guide is. He can recognise and imitate the sounds of all the animals in the jungle. He knows the medicinal uses of around 70 plants. All this he learned from the age of twelve (16 years ago) when he started to go hunting in the jungle with his father and grandfather (long before it was protected as a national park). He knows what the animals like to eat, where and when they eat, sleep, mate etc.

One afternoon we do some handicrafts (yes, Cedd too) and make rings from the seeds of a jungle fruit (wild mango-coconut).

We also do a night hike looking for caimans in the lake - success! we see a young caiman and also a huge mummy caiman a few metres long.



On the last evening, there is a big party with traditional food (catfish wrapped in palm leaf and cooked in an open fire) and drinks, music and dancing. It turns out that our guide plays the flute too.

After a few too many ´puma milks´ its the end of our tour and time for bed.